Needling a Big Jerk

I get the opportunity to interact with phlebotomists several times a year. I always ask two questions designed to make them laugh (because it seems to me that one does not want a bad mood bear sticking needles in their arm). First question: Do you know how many people you’ve stuck? Second question, what’s your best story of someone passing out from the needle? 

Today, I got the best answers I’ve ever had. The girl drawing my blood could not have been more than 25, but she said she’d stuck over 25,000 people! I told her I knew I was in good hands and that she’d do a great job, and also that she was in for a treat because my veins are probably the best she’d see all day. 

I was hunting smiles. She delivered and replied, “I had a body builder come in and I don’t know what his problem was. He walked in behind a lady with three little kids and he looked at me and said, "‘You want to do mine,"‘ then pointed at the lady and said, ‘she’s going to be a lot harder.’ I got him prepped and asked if he had any needle issues, he pointed at the lady and said, ’Not like her—better watch out for her.’ The lady rolled her eyes, and I asked if they were a couple. They weren’t. The guy was just taunting her, I guess. Anyway, I just wanted to get him done and gone. As soon as I stuck the needle in his arm, he went out!” 

I laughed, “He hit the floor?”

“Worse,” she said, “he started sliding down out of the chair.” I had a picture of a guy melting to the floor. “I tried to hold him, but he was so much bigger than me, I had the push against him to keep him from sliding all the way down. That’s when he peed himself. Soaked his pants, pee running on the floor, and all over my scrubs. The lady was laughing so hard I thought she would pass out too.” 

I was stunned. She continued, “When he came to, I told him he’d fainted and he looked down at his wet pants, stood up, put his head down and just walked out. The lady was still laughing.” 

Epic. 

I asked if she’d ever heard the Bible verse, Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). She liked it.